I am an optimist. I wasn’t always this way. It’s a learned optimism that has worked to my advantage. MS has tested my mettle so many times: taking away my driving ability, my sanity, my energy, my proper bladder and bowel functionings, my career, and my stubborn pride. Most of these things have been restored, or at least brought back to a functioning level. A couple of things are still pending, but I refuse to let this stupid disease get them.
Because it is unrealistic to think that life’s glass can ever stay completely full at all times, I am satisfied with keeping it half full, as opposed to half empty. Here is what I’ve learned about keeping the MS glass half full:
Be the Tortoise, Not the Hare
I used to rush around, giving little thought to what I was doing hour-by-hour. More interested in the destination, not the journey. I didn’t thoughtfully plan for things that gave me true, lasting happiness. Now that I have more time on my hands (maybe too much some days!), I stop to think about what will make me genuinely happy. Or make someone else happy. True, deep happiness is now high on my priority list. I work slowly towards my dreams— having a freelance writing career that will financially provide for myself and my husband, possibly adopting a child, possibly getting a higher degree in something (I love learning new things.)….I think all of these are possible, but with MS they become true, deliberate gifts through slow, deliberate planning. Bill and I like to compare ourselves to Bill and Karolyn Slowsky, the turtles in those cable commercials. Slow and steady….
Don’t Give Away the Emotional Farm
This might sound greedy and selfish. But it’s not: I selectively choose what to focus my mental and emotional energy on. I cannot possibly listen to everyone’s problems, help everyone with their problems, be everyone’s best friend, and expect everyone to listen to my own problems. It’s just not healthy for anyone. When my friends start in with problems, or I find myself venting, we reciprocally do this for a bit, but then we move on. Unless it is something completely traumatic, we all know that it, too, shall pass. I’ve also gotten rid of foul weather friends— those who only like me when they and I are miserable— because they can be worse than fair weather ones. It’s all a matter of self-preservation. I’m a big fan of survival.
Choose Joy
Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? That someone would choose misery intentionally. However, joy doesn’t happen automatically. It must be sought and cultivated. It must be regularly tended and held in the highest esteem. Even during the darkest hours, when MS wants to steal it all away. Say no. And hold onto it tightly because it is rightfully yours.
Find Something You Love or are Exceptional at and Cultivate It
What comes easily for you? Leading others? Writing prolifically? Are you good with numbers? Is it art? Is it your fabulous golf swing? Do you simply have a gift for conversation? Then as the Nike commercials say, “Just do it!” Find that thing that you were meant to do and BRING IT. It will, in return, provide you with so much joy. There is always something you can do, no matter what your condition. Something that is a gift in you.
Don’t Confuse Optimism with Fantasy
Optimism is not thinking that your MS will go away. It is not thinking that being joyful will take away all your money problems and health concerns. I watch my own limited income come and go in a matter of a week and wish I was working full-time again so that we could just go on a much needed vacation. But I will be satisfied with a weekend trip to Cape May or maybe Atlantic City. I’m so glad we’re able to do this again, after several years of totally struggling. No more fantasies about wealth here!
Be Grateful for the Big and the Small
- I’m grateful for having a moderate course of MS, because so many people do not
- I’m grateful for my tiny shack of a house, because we didn’t lose it when times were the toughest
- I’m grateful for my writing abilities, because they will come to sustain me both mentally and financially
- I’m grateful for my wonderful husband, who has been nothing but supportive, both emotionally and financially….because I know that so many folks are travelling along this MS journey without a mate
- I’m grateful for the humbling experience of accepting help (both emotional and financial) from family and friends
- I’m grateful for social security disability insurance and our modest health insurance, because so many MSers are still trying to get by without either, and this is what’s keeping us from complete poverty
- I’m grateful for my cat, who is fat
- I’m grateful for the sun that shines through my patio door at the present moment
