I’m trying to keep a sense of humor about it, but yesterday I was in tears because I could not get to the library to volunteer. Only my second scheduled time there. I emailed the volunteer coordinator at the last minute— who was very understanding— after fruitlessly trying to get myself ready and into the car in 95 degree weather (full humidity.)
Since my latest relapse, I have been having intermittent symptoms. I was doing pretty well for a couple of years, with very few symptoms each day (except the annoying bladder/bowel issues.) I have developed more fatigue, or maybe I should say “lead limbs.” My mind usually feels awake, depending on if I get enough sleep. It’s my limbs that have been troubling me. They feel like cement sometimes, and my bad left leg and right hand trouble me the most. Not sure if it’s the hot weather, or the symptoms have decided to return and stay.
These unpredictable bouts have made it very hard for me to keep a regular schedule. Add the flu-like side effects of the Betaseron (still happening after 3 years of use), and each morning has become a crap shoot. When I recently worked at the library, I was so glad they gave me afternoon hours (1 – 5 pm.) Now, the 1pm hour of arrival is iffy.
I know volunteering is just that: voluntary. But being a former, conscientious worker makes it hard to become a “hopefully-I’ll-make-it-there-sometime-this-afternoon” volunteer. Just because we have MS does not make us feel any less responsible to commitments.
An issue I have to stop beating myself up about. Working on it.
