Being a current couch dweller (a loving term for an MSer who finds herself stuck to her couch), I have a lot of time to ponder why. I’m not clinically depressed, because I was twice in the past and both times it took therapy and medication to pry me off of the couch. I’m also not overly fatigued– I’ve been there and know the huge difference. These said conditions can both be severely debilitating and two of the biggest reasons people with multiple sclerosis end up stuck on the couch.
So then what is going on with me?……Simple: MS apathy. This is my loving term for having MS and no steady occupation. I don’t only mean a job; I also mean basic occupation or what fills up the day. Not too many people out in the work force ever think about this. They usually suffer from the opposite: stress. The same is true for stay-at-home moms and dads.
I’ve suffered from apathy in the past. I think it comes from not having a definite, concrete reason to leave the house. I’ve been volunteering two week days and one week night at the library and I have some writing assignments that are keeping me busy, but I have to say that when I leave the library, I sometimes get a twinge of longing to work outside of the home again. This has been a problem for me in the past few years, so I am coming to terms with finding a new path that is more flexible and won’t make me reneg on work commitments.
So the apathy ebbs and flows, just like MS depression, fatigue, and other symptoms. This is what I’ve learned in the past and the following tricks I’m presently using to get “unstuck”:
Scheduling things that are commitments but not demands
When feeling apathetic and in need of a gentle push out the door, try to plan things to get out of the house. These commitments can be volunteer hours, regular visits with friends or relatives, regular therapist appointments, interesting group meetings, fun classes, and so on. They are things that should be done, to get the body up and moving, but not hard demands that lead to guilt and frustration if cancelled.
Scheduling things during the best hours of operation
Are you a morning person with the most energy during this time? Or do you gain speed later in the day? I myself will turn into a night owl if left to my natural rhythms. My Betaseron shots also tend to give me a “hangover”, with slight to moderate flu-like symptoms until about 11am or so. For this reason, I make most of my commitments after 12pm, unless absolutely necessary. This way I have less of a chance of bailing out and feeling bad about it. I also find doing things in small blocks of time keeps me committed and not overwhelmed.
Finding a comfortable level of outside occupation
This always stymies me. It’s difficult to find a happy medium between overdoing it and being completely underwhelmed. Somehow the housework grows boring and the computer overheats, but venturing out can be scary because MSers as a group do not always know what will be okay and what will be completely draining and overwhelming. Sometimes it’s a matter of trial and error. Finding a stimulating but not overwhelming level of occupation can help control apathy.
This is what I’m currently working on as I try to see (yet again) what is just right for me. I’m not completely apathetic, just slightly bored….
